How Great Thou Art

How Great Thou Art...I get choked up everytime I hear that song or we sing it in church.  It was the last song we sang at mom's funeral and thus, I am reminded of it everytime.  It is a beautiful song and since then have sang it at most of the funerals I have been to since.  Today was a tough day.  Jerimiah's dear Aunt Penny lost her battle with cancer on Thursday morning.  She had surgery back in the spring and it was too bad that she did not have any more treatment and was given a short time to live, which turned into about 7 months.  Although I didn't spend a huge amount with her besides major holidays, she always made me feel so welcome to the Kindrick family.  She had such a sweet quiet spirit, similar to mine, and she loved Jesus with all her heart.  She made Jerimiah and I's wedding photo DVD for us and found so many pictures of my husband to add and was so fun to learn some of the storie behind them.  Her spirit and fight in fact was that similiar to mom's.  Maybe that's why today was difficult for me.  It is never fair or fun to have someone die, but when people like her do, you can't help but rejoice that they are now enjoying the streets of gold and living with a perfect body again and do not have to suffer any longer from the horrible cancer disease. 
Lately, I have been missing my mom so much.  There is so much in my life that makes me so sad that I can not share with her and with my sister's life.  Like how Amy lives life to the fullest and is a friend to all she meets.  She strides for what she wants and is excited to start to new job doing things that she absolutely loves and is good at, like taking photos.  Or how my beautiful babies will never know the most incredible grandma ever.  Carlie has taken too carrying around a picture of her that is in Cohen's room.  She knows exactly who is and not that I'm hiding her, but it has just never come up with a one year old who that lady is in the picture.  But no, she know's thats "my gamma".  Break this momma's heart.  I would never wish in a million years for mom to be back and dealing with weekly chemo treatments and MRIs and all the long drives to Sioux City, but dang it, I miss my mom!  8 years sees like a lifetime that she has been gone, but in the other hand, it seems like yesterday.  So  much has happened in those years and I can't hope but believe that she has been up there helping God orchestrate all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with.  Because that was her, wanting to provide and give me and my sister and dad what we wanted.  And most of all, that was her unconditional love.  Just like Aunt Penny.  She left some words that the sweet Pastor read about hopes she had for her two children, Amy and Andrew and her grandchildren.  What a sweet touch and thoughts to leave them with from an incredibly brave mom.  
I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the reason why God chose to take my mom from me so early in my life, but I know that is all yet to be seen in his amazing plan.  I do believe though part of it what my life is now.  Here, in Texas.  There is no way I would have packed up and moved if she was still fighting the fight.  Thus, no Jerimiah, no babies, so I see Gods plan in that, but for me who was depended on Mom for alot of things(just ask my sister who still gives me grief), I often wish I had her here on Earth to help me through life. 
A sweet young family friend of the Kindrick's sang and played piano that Penny had taught her to Natalie Grant's In Better Hands Now.  I...lost...it.  She did a wonderfully job and rejoice in the fact that she, along with many others who suffered from ugly cancer, are in much better hands with healthy bodies enjoying God's presence everyday.  So tonight, I'm going to kiss my babies a little more, hug my husband tight and tell them I love them and thank God for them as we never know when our life on Earth ends and new life with him will begin.  But until a day, I've been inspired again to try and be that light and person of love in this terribly dark world.  Here's the beautiful song that was sang.  Enjoy.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yKlQ6zoqDE